tough kid

Wow, fuck June.

This entire month has ranged from mediocre to insufferable. We went to the TKK concert and it was amazing… and then everything just kind of went to shit. I’m out of money, I had a job that seemed like it would be good but only lasted three days (but resulted in an extra 200 coming my way next week… hey hey). So really, the last twenty days can be summed up in one post.

Honeycut was good, but nothing compared to the string of concerts that May had. DD, Presets, and TKK all in a row meant that no matter how good it was, a show by a local SF band couldn’t fill those shoes. It was also made a little awkward for me that Anton basically ignored L2 for the entire night; that adding on to L’s lack of loquacity when around more than one person kind of put me in this space where i really wanted to make sure L was actually having fun. And the beatbocer opening act was just… weird.

It wasn’t worth it, in short.

The next weekend, Isis and I threw the worst party that we’ve ever thrown, possibly that she’s ever thrown. Now, I thought my birthday was bad but I was apparently the only one not having an awesome time and the more I hear about it the more it seems like it turned out fantastically. But the problem with this one is that nobody showed up, and out of the people who did, two- TWO!- people brought anything to drink. So there was no chance of drunken hilarity because there was nothing to drink, and it ended up being a bunch of people talking about theatre, and really, there’s nothing worse than a bunch of people talking about a show that you’re not in and that you really can’t say anything about. It ended up being the same way it was around 8.30, while i was setting up: Me and Anton sitting around and chatting while things went on around us. The night culminated with a walk to a cigarette store and Anton saying something I can’t remember that pissed me off, and me walking ahead of him. He came up behind me and on instinct I pulled a knife on him, which got insanely awkward really quickly. We hopped on his scooter as we got closer to the house and upon disengaging I fucked up my ankle. Great.

And of course the most recent cause of my vitriol. The going-away party for Severus. This, was last Wednesday. It went fine, but I was in a bad mood for unrelated reasons and I got into an even worse mood for reasons which will go undiscussed. Long story short, about three in the morning I decided to be a drunken drama queen idiot and leave… which wouldn’t be a problem if I hadn’t slammed the door on my way out, waking everybody up. And then the fucking car wouldn’t start, so my grand exit became a sheepish re-entrance. I should have just gone to sleep, but I decided to be the center of attention and now they’re all pissed off at me.

I’ll be honest. L2? I could take or leave. We’ve known each other for a whole three weeks and it really doesn’t affect my life one way or the other whether he stays or goes. Sev, though, I finally built up a rapport with, and I’d hate to think that I slammed the door on what could have been a really awesome friendship. And Anton…

Well, Anton.

The next day I had an interview, but after it ended i didn’t want to go straight home. So I ended up walking the way to kill time. I had a long discussion with Aliester and we caught up, spoke for about an hour about his life, this whole situation, and the new guy, Kieran (I’ll get to that). After that I had a truncated conversation with my grandfather, and after about two and half hours I finally made it home to, well, brood.

So, Anton’s grandfather died yesterday. And I would have regretted being stupid anyway, but with the exceptionally bad timing of it it’s even worse. I feel like absolute shit, because we got into this fight when he was letting me back in, and it was this huge bulldozer load of bullshit and now I just want to know that how he’s doing. I get his twitter updates, so i know his plane didn’t crash or anything, and I guess that’s as much as I’m going to get for at least a couple days.

And this is the shit that I’ve been putting on Kieran. K is a friend of a friend and we met about two weeks ago and have been talking ever since… which is strange, seeing as we have nothing in common. Actually I think we’ve talked infinitely more than we’ve actually seen each other. It’s probably just that whole “new person” thing for both of us, and I’m sure he’ll burn out on me soon enough, but for now he’s playing the nice guy angle- listening to my problems, being cuddly, vague but not creepy compliments, etc. It’s… different.

Well, in either case, I’m finally taking my driving test again next week. Considering I can get to Rocklin and back with no major incidences, I should be able to drive a block around Davis no problem. Finally getting my license would be a nice counterpoint to all the ridiculousity this month has provided thus far.